**August 2015 update: In this post, I write some things that now make me cringe in regards to an adoptive parent centered outlook as opposed to an adoptee centered outlook. However, I am leaving it as I wrote it because this was where I was at the time and, in an effort to support the adoptee centered focus I now endorse, I want other adoptive parents to be able to see and identify with the points from which I’ve come. I would, however, like to point you to this post, which is where I presently am in this journey of adoption.**
Tonight we got the paperwork stating that our son is LEGALLY ours. I don’t have to call him S. on here or FB anymore. I don’t have to get the government’s ok for us to leave the state on vacation. People no longer have to drop by our home unannounced to check that he has a bed and isn’t sleeping in the garage. (Complete truth, unfortunately.)
And…. mindful. If nothing else, infertility issues and fostering has imprinted in me the raw truth that joy to one is pain to another and so this is me, laying my heart out to my friends and family to whom this news is painful for reasons of loss and absence in your world: I am thankful for the love you extend to me although it hurts and has to be forced up above the pain that would rather you close your ears to it. I understand that I am unintentionally twisting that knife into your gut. If nothing else, I know that when I am on the painful receiving end, all I really want is for someone to say, “I see that you still hurt. Even though you are congratulating me and loving on me… I see that you still hurt.” Sometimes, it is enough to just be seen for what you can’t visibly show.
Thanks for loving on me around your hurt.