Things that have come out of my mouth in the last 48 hours:

1. (To Ryan): “Maybe next time he feels sick, don’t give him ice cream. Or dairy. At all. But it WAS a nice thought.”

2. (To Isaac): “It was an accident, honey. Puke washes out of Mommy and Daddy’s bed.”
3. (To a student): “So, you are 100% sure that your mom used motor oil as tanning oil this weekend?”
4. (To Isaac): “Why did I just say, ‘Okay?’ It was because sometimes you say things that make no sense to Mommy and I don’t know what else to say.”
5. (To a student): “Seriously. I don’t understand how you still cannot see that when you clean your shoes off with your finger and spit, you are basically just eating the dirt off your shoes. For real. You are wiping it off and eating it. From your shoes.”
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