Dear Mother Nature,
I owe you an apology. Actually, a lot of them. Let me start by stating how much I appreciate you and that I think you’re really fantastic. All of those plants and animals and rocks and… stuff. You’re PRETTYYYYY special. That’s why I feel bad about being so rude.
First confession: I don’t always recycle. I have those two recycle bins in the garage, (or I DID have two before some… jerkface… hit one on the side of the road and shattered it), and MOST of the time I put all of my recycling in it! The plastics, the papers, the glass, the metals- I try to do you proud. Except, sometimes, I don’t. Like, if it has been a long day and I don’t want to rinse the nasty gunk out of the can of black beans. Or when I’m too lazy to go get the bins from the roadside on collection day. On those times… I just throw it into the trash. I KNOW! I’m sorry.
Second confession: I sometimes run the dishwasher when it isn’t a full load. Actually… full disclosure? I don’t always run a full load of laundry either. *dramatic and embarrassed sigh* I know it is an excuse and you probably don’t want to hear excuses, but sometimes I just have to do things in smaller doses so I don’t go out of my EVER LOVING MIND with the amount of dishes and clothes we dirty up around here on a large scale. I know. It is selfish. I can’t stop.
Third confession: Sometimes I leave the house to drive into town when I don’t really need to. Mostly, this is in the summer when I’m a full time mommy to a 3 year old and I think I am going to self-combust if I have to spend one more MINUTE making sand cakes. I mean you DO have some really, really great sand and I love, love, love my sand-baker son! Don’t misunderstand me! I just, you know… sand cakes after more than a few minutes starts to wear on you if you aren’t… 3. And after an hour of it? I have to. I have to drive to Target. I’m sorry. I think. I know I should be sorry, anyway. All that gasoline usage. But honestly, Mother Nature, the sand cakes. For hours.
Fourth confession: I hate getting ready for bed. This admission involves you indirectly. See, the thought of having to wash my face along with all the rest of my bedtime routine is often the last thing on earth I want to do. So…… *cough*….. I sometimes use those disposable face wipes instead. I know it makes waste and I should just use the soap and water. I just… I think you would understand if you had to wash your face. If you had a face. That’s probably the wrong thing to say. I just REALLY HATE GETTING READY FOR BED AND THOSE FACE WIPES SAVE ME FROM LATE NIGHT RAGES!!!! *panting* I apologize for the melodramatics. Except I really mean that and I am hoping you can grant me the luxury of a face wipe here and there.